Learning that a loved one has been diagnosed with a life-altering or terminal illness can often leave you speechless—even if you’re rarely at a loss for words. It’s hard to know what to say in these types of situations. You want to be there as emotional support, but you also don’t want to say or act in a way that could inadvertently upset the person more. And this sort of news generally causes grief for yourself, too.
Through your own grief, though, it’s important to be as supportive as possible for the loved one who is living through it. What can you do? What should you say? What should you not say or do?
Below we offer some tips for how you can best support someone through a prolonged illness or potential loss.
1. Be a Good Listener
Sometimes all we need is an ear to listen to us and a shoulder to cry on. Simply being present for your loved one could go a long way.
While listening to your loved one’s fears and grief, remember to listen more than speak. Although it may be tempting to extend advice, actively listening may be the best medicine you can offer in the moment. During face-to-face conversations, maintain eye contact and give non-verbal cues like a head nod and attentive posture to show you are engaged. If asked for your opinion, try to keep it brief and helpful.
Remember, this isn’t about you, so avoid telling stories about your own experiences with grief and loss unless specifically asked.
2. Be Helpful
People cope and grieve in their own way. For someone who is private, it can be hard to know what to say or do because you don’t want to overstep boundaries. It’s a delicate balancing act to figure out how you can support your loved one and also give them space. In these instances, performing practical, everyday tasks can be quite helpful.
Here are some ideas:
- Make dinner or send a gift card to a favorite restaurant or food delivery service. You could also organize a meal train.
- Offer to do their grocery shopping or run errands.
- Pick up their kids and take them to and from school or extracurricular activities.
- If they have a pet, walk and/or feed it.
- Mow their lawn, rake the leaves or shovel snow.
- Take their trash cans to the curb on trash night.
3. Encourage Self-Care
Self-care helps reduce stress and anxiety, but when someone is going through a traumatic event, it’s usually the last thing on their to-do list. Your loved one may no longer have the time or energy to make it to a meditation yoga class or for a relaxation massage.
So how can you best help? Consider these ideas:
- Offer to accompany them on a walk or hike. Physical exercise helps energy levels, which in turn, has a direct effect on mood.
- Put together a self-care box of items you know he or she enjoys. Examples include tea, chocolate, homemade treats, a good book, aromatherapy oils, bath salts, lotions and candles.
- If your loved one finds prayer to be a source of comfort or strength, offer to pray with them.
- Encourage them to write down their feelings. Journaling can help people process and work through emotions.
4. Help Them Find Professional Support
It’s okay to recognize when the grief support your loved one really needs is out of your league. Grief can manifest itself in many ways—from crying spells to loss of appetite to chronic insomnia. All of these eventually leave both a physical and emotional toll on the body that can be hard to manage.
Pastoral counselors, psychologists and mental health therapists are trained to help people work through anxiety and grief. They can teach coping strategies, connect people with outside support groups and agencies geared toward their specific needs, or make referrals if needed.
Offer to accompany your loved one to a visit if they feel uneasy about talking with a professional, or help them find a grief support group to connect with individuals going through a similar experience.
Interested in More Grief Support Resources?
Whether you’ve received upsetting news about a loved one’s health or you’re experiencing a loss yourself, we’re here to help you heal. If you’re interested in more grief support resources, subscribe to our blog and receive helpful articles like this directly in your inbox.
