Designing a headstone for a loved one is a deeply personal experience. There are many decisions to make about shape and size, material, granite colors and varieties, personalization like etchings, quotes or symbols, and even budget. And since so many of these decisions can be close to the heart, it’s not uncommon for families to run into disagreements if their loved one didn’t document their headstone preferences.
Disagreements over the choice of a headstone for a loved one can arise for various reasons, as different family members may have diverse preferences, beliefs, or priorities. Continue reading as we explore helpful tips to help your family overcome these headstone design disagreement obstacles.
1. Start Conversations When You’re Ready
We know how hard it is to make final arrangement decisions for a loved one while you’re grieving their loss. And although things like the burial plot and funeral service can’t be postponed for long, the memorial design process can wait.
We urge you and your family to wait to discuss headstone options until you’re ready. Our memorial specialists have worked with many families who want to rush the process and with emotions running high, conversations often end in disagreements and frustration.
While every family is different, we have had the most productive and calm conversations with families who take several months after a loved one’s death before designing their memorial. The most important thing to remember is that there is no right or wrong timeframe for the headstone design process. Do what makes the most sense for your family.
2. Divide the Process Into Phases
If you’re unfamiliar with the headstone design and creation process, you’re not alone—the average person plans just one memorial in their lifetime. Creating a loved one’s headstone from start to finish can feel overwhelming, however it’s not as daunting when you break it down into steps or phases that you can complete one at a time. Some of these steps include:
- Researching different headstone design elements, like granite color and headstone shape.
- Requesting a quote (if you know what you want).
- Meeting with a stoneworking professional in-person or online.
- Walking through design elements with the stoneworking professional.
- Choosing your favorite design elements. Use our Headstone Vision Board Tool for help.
- Making the deposit and working through the headstone design details.
Families can take their time during all these phases and can pause if more time is needed before making any final decisions. The memorial specialists at Milano Monuments will not rush your family if you’re not ready. We are here to guide you through this process.
3. Get Started on the First Step
For many people, the hardest part of the memorial process is walking through our doors. Even if your family wants to divide the process into phases, we urge you to at least get started on initial steps when you feel ready. We often hear that families feel better after meeting with one of our experienced memorial specialists, even if they aren’t ready to purchase anything that day.
At Milano Monuments, we are happy to work with you on the right headstone design and even share that mockup with you for a design fee. This fee goes towards the total cost of your memorial when you’re ready to move forward.
4. Be Kind and Patient
There is a lot of pressure put on the family members who must make final arrangement and memorial decisions. When disagreements arise, try to approach each other with patience and kindness. This isn’t a comfortable time for anyone, but the more we support one another, the easier the journey will be.
>> Related Resource: How to Be a Good Listener for Those Grieving
5. Work With a Memorial Specialist To Understand Your Options
It’s not uncommon for disagreements to arise simply because of the number of decisions and personalization options that come with designing a memorial. That’s why working with a memorial specialist who can serve as a guide is imperative—your family will benefit from their expertise in monument design and their guidance on various options, styles, and materials.
Our memorial specialists work to facilitate communication among family members, ensuring that everyone's preferences and concerns are considered during the decision-making process. We’ll work closely with you every step of the way to customize a range of options, allowing your family to personalize the headstone according to the unique qualities and preferences of your loved one. We can also help to establish a budget, and we’re sensitive to different cultural and religious practices.
And while your family may be tempted to reach out to the cemetery or an online memorial provider to help get the job done quickly, we urge you to proceed with caution. Local memorial providers know the rules and regulations of cemeteries, and can stand behind the quality of their headstones. Without these safeguards in place, families often end up spending more money or not getting the design they truly would like, which can lead to even more disagreements.
>> Related Resource: Why Working With a Memorial Provider Is Cheaper Than a Cemetery
6. Preplan Your Memorial To Prevent Disagreements
No family is immune to the conflicts that can arise when planning a headstone. Emotions are high and each family member might have a different idea of how to best memoralize their loved one.
But there is a way that you can safeguard your family from this type of conflict when you pass—preplanning your own memorial now.
Preplanning your headstone allows you to actively participate in the design, style, and personlaization choices for your memorial or monument, ensuring it authentically reflects your personality and values. Preplanning aleviates the emotional burden on your loved ones, sparing them from making challenging decisions during a difficult time and preventing potential conflicts among family members with differing ideas about memorialization. Headstone preplanning also means you can pay for your memorial ahead of time, protecting your family from financial burden or budget conflicts in the future.
>> Related Resource: Funeral Preplanning: Benefits of Headstone or Memorial Planning
Explore Your Headstone Design Options With the Headstone Vision Board Tool
Ready to take the first step in designing a headstone? Our Headstone Vision Board is an interactive tool that gives you the opportunity to explore the wide array of headstone design options available to you and select the ones that best honor the life of your loved one. Click below to try it out.
